The Changing : A Different World
by sweetcrimefighter
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon,she falls asleep after trying to find him and wakes up in a room.She doesn't recognize where she is,and when she finds out,she thinks she has gone mental.She is in a completely different world,yet with the same people
1. Chapter 1

**The Changing : A Different World**

**Chapter 1: Waking Up**

**Bella POV**

I had no sense of time as I laid there in the forest, surrounded by wet leaves that had fallen of the trees that deserted them, just as Edward had deserted me. I was cold, maybe even shivering. I couldn't feel my body nor did I want to, I hardly felt the wet raindrops falling down on me, they seemed like part of another life. A life that didn't belong to me anymore, a life I had given with Edward when he left.

Forks meant nothing to me anymore, not the way it had meant something when Edward had been with me. When Edward and I were together, even the weather in Forks didn't bother me anymore, I actually welcomed it, because bad weather meant Edward could be with me all day without fearing exposure from the sun. Ever since I had met Edward, I had been grateful for the existence of the little town, since it was the reason I had met him. Now, as my entire life had been taken from me, I wished it had never been a part of my life.

My eyes were closed and I felt no longing to open them. I enjoyed the darkness I was in, wished I could stay in it forever, knowing that would not be possible. Sooner or later, I would have to go back to my life, or the little that was left of it.

I didn't know when exactly I had fallen asleep, but apparently sleep had come during my stay at the forest. I knew this, because when I woke up, I had been lying in a soft bed, not my bed, this bed felt unfamiliar to me, someone must have found me and took me home, I figured.

Slowly and reluctantly, I opened my eyes and shifted a little in the bed, so I was sitting up straight. I took in my environment and my eyes widened at the sight of the size and setting of the room.

The room itself was gigantic; it felt as if I were in a small apartment, not a bedroom. The walls were painted in sky clear blue, white clouds painted above the blue, making the size of the room seem even bigger.

Across the room from me, a desk stood, completed with a comfy leather chair and an Acer laptop on top of the mahogany wooden desk. On the wall the desk was placed at, a great deal of photographs were taped to it.

Shocked by the faces I saw on the photographs, I blinked my eyes several times to see if I had been imagining things. The photos remained the same, I started to freak out. I pinched my arm to check if I was still dreaming, but as soon as I pinched myself, I felt the pain and knew I had to be awake. But that was impossible, wasn't it?

I swung my legs out of the bed and they hit the floor with a soft thud, apparently the floor had been covered by a light blue with white clouds carpet of some sort, matching the walls. I walked up to the wall and clearly saw now that I had not been imagining things, I had simply gone crazy.

I recognized my face and posture on almost every single photograph. I was linked with girls I didn't know, and girls I did know. I recognized Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory on one of the photos with me. We were laughing; we seemed to be pretty close. I shuddered at the thought of being close with those two; they were relatively shallow, nothing like me.

I saw myself with a boy in several of the photos, in one of them I was even kissing him, but I didn't recognize him from anywhere. Out of everything that had shocked me so far, one photo shocked me more than all the others. It was one of me, Renee and Charlie, one that didn't seem very old, because my appearance seemed to be about the same as it was now, except for the fact that I was wearing make-up on the photo, something I never wore. But that wasn't as appalling as the rest of the photograph. Charlie had his left arm around me and his right around Renee, he was giving her a peck on the cheek on the photo and she seemed to have been giggling.

My stomach twisted and turned at the sight of all these photographs, I couldn't bare to look at them any longer. I swallowed, started biting at my nails, which had seemed in pretty good shape compared to other days and turned around, to examine the room even more.

My eyes fell open as I saw the bed I had been sleeping in, it was extraordinary. It was a four-poster bed presumably made out of the same mahogany wood the desk was made out. My blankets had the exact same pattern and coloring as my walls and carpet. Everything was in perfect symmetry, nothing like my room was.

I made a half turn and took in yet another side of the room, the side across the door. In the middle of the wall a large window had been placed, giving me clear view of the sky outside. _'This room definitely has a sky theme about it' _I thought to myself as I looked at the clear, light blue sky. There was not a single cloud visible, I smiled, and Forks rarely had such good weather.

The left and right side of the window was flanked by two large closets. I knew I had no right snooping through someone else's belongings, but I was curious, so I opened the two doors of the closet on the right.

I gasped at the sight of all the clothes, I didn't have much fashion sense, but I knew that all these clothes put together probably were more expensive than Charlie's house. All the clothes were neatly hung up and all seemed to be matching outfits paired together. There was a lot of blue and pink in the closet. _'Blue, Edward liked it when I wore something blue.' _I thought to myself and felt my heart fall to pieces. I had been so bewildered by this room and everything it held, that I hadn't even thought of _him_.

He was the reason I had gone crazy like this, the reason why I couldn't wake up, why I was stuck in this insane dream. He had torn me apart and didn't even bother to check if I was still alive. I wanted to hate him, I did, but I couldn't. Even if he didn't love me anymore, or maybe never loved me at all, I still loved him more than anything on the planet.

My hands started to tremble and I felt the doors of the closet tremble with them, I hadn't realized I was still holding on to them. I quickly closed the doors, slamming them shut with more sound than I had intended. I listened carefully to hear anyone's footsteps, but I heard nothing.

My entire body started to shake and I let myself slid down on the floor, crossing my legs in the process. I held my arms tightly over my chest, trying to prevent the hole in my chest from ripping me to shreds. I closed my eyes and pressed my head against my legs, which I had pulled up to my chest without even realizing it. I moved my arms in a more comfortable position, wrapping them around my legs, pulling them even closer to my body. I never even heard the knock on the door or the sound of it opening; I only realized someone was in the room when I heard a familiar voice.

"Izzy?" The voice questioned, I recognized the voice within an instance. It was the voice of Renee, my mother. The voice had sounded concerned when she had called out an unfamiliar name. _'Izzy? Who was Izzy?' _I wondered; maybe if my head hadn't been so tormented at the time, I would have been clear enough to figure out who this Izzy person was.

"Izzy? What's wrong?" I heard Renee ask; I still didn't open my eyes or pull my head up. It was a dream, she wasn't here, and this was _his _fault. I just needed to wake up, ignore all the rest. I felt a hand rub against my bare skin, it was warm, comforting. It helped with the quivering I was experiencing, apparently I wasn't just falling to pieces, but I was also cold. I hadn't yet realized that I was wearing something different than I had last night.

"Isabella Swan," I heard my mother say, so she had been talking to me. Then why did she call me Izzy? And what was she doing in Forks? And what was up with all the photographs I was in but didn't even remember taking? I was growing more anxious every second. "Tell me what's wrong," Renee continued, she sounded so motherly, different than I remembered her being. It was wrong, it was all wrong.

I shook my head firmly, hoping she would take the hint and leave me in peace. To die, to wake up, whatever I needed to do, I would do it. I no longer felt the warm hand of Renee against my bare skin; another shiver crawled its way up from the spot where she had removed her soothing hand.

I heard her muffled footsteps in the room, followed by an annoyed sigh. _'What does she have to be annoyed about? I'm the one who should be annoyed. I'm the one who's going mental.' _I thought as I looked up slightly and opened my eyes. They were blurry; it was only now I realized I had been crying. I wiped the remainder of the tears away with the back of my hand and looked at Renee.

She looked frustrated, angry even; she was clapping her teeth together, looking at me as if I had killed the cat. I had hardly ever seen such an expression on her face, the only time I ever saw that look on her face was when she had attempted to look like she was the real mother in the household. It had never really suited her, until now, it seemed as if she used that face daily.

She was even dressed differently, more maturely. She was wearing a long brown skirt, short brown matching boots and a white, long sleeved blouse. It was strange seeing Renee like that.

"Well?" She finally said, shaking me from my train of thoughts. I looked straight at her this time and every shred of concern she had displayed earlier had clearly disappeared. Her hands were folded across her chest and her nostrils were flaring up.

I looked at her with, what I assumed, was a questioning expression on my face. I honestly had no idea what she was talking about, or even who this woman was. She looked like my mother, she sounded like my mother, but she wasn't. She was nothing like the woman I loved and cherished so much. A sudden look of confusion flashed across her face, but she swiftly assumed her stern glare.

"N-nothing," I managed to choke out with a hoarse voice. Renee, or whoever she was, seemed a little taken back by this answer, but it didn't sound through in her voice when she spoke, "Whatever, I'm tired of playing these games with you every morning. Just get dressed and come downstairs for breakfast. I'm driving you to school in 20 minutes, ready or not," She said in a rigid tone of voice, a feeling of dismay hit me when I realized this Renee didn't like me very much.

"Don't look at me like that. You're not getting your Jaguar back as long as you're grounded," She said, clearly misinterpreting my emotions, and left the room. I suddenly realized what she had said. _'Jaguar? I had a jaguar? What kind of bizarro world did I dream myself into?' _As the thoughts continued to race through my head, my body took over me as if I were a machine and led me to the closet I had once looked through.

I opened it and picked out a random outfit, I didn't even look at it much as I put it on. I folded my pajamas, a pair of training pants and a white tank top, and placed them on the bed. Neatly, as I was used to doing.

I looked through the closet for shoes, but saw none; I opened the other closet on the left side of the window and let out yet another gasp. It was filled with even more clothes and shoes, dozens of shoes. I noticed all the shoes had heels, I swallowed, I couldn't walk with heels if my life depended on it, and I was too clumsy to wear them. I moaned as I looked over the shoes and saw most of them were black, red, pink or blue.

Not knowing what color would match the clothes I wore, I searched for a mirror in the room, to look at myself. I noticed a large mirror hanging on the door, I hadn't noticed that before. I walked up to it and as I stood before it, I took in my appearance. I looked exactly the same as I did when I was awake, except for the drastic change in clothing preferences. I was wearing a blue tank top, which nicely fit the curves of my body, above that I was wearing a see through white, long sleeved blouse. It didn't cling to my body as the top did. I was also wearing a pair of white jeans, which clung to me more tightly then they felt they had. My hair was disorderly, I still had to comb it, and I felt dirty because I suddenly realized I hadn't even showered yet. Not that it mattered since this was a dream, but this was a very vivid dream. I would wash up a little in a minute that was, if I was able to find the bathroom.

I groaned as I walked back to the closet that held the shoes, I still had no idea of what kind of shoes I was supposed to wear with this outfit that didn't feel right to me. I decided to go with one of the light blue, almost white, high heeled shoes. I had no idea which brand they were, nor cared.

I walked out of the room, I couldn't even begin thinking _my _room, and things were weird enough as they were. _'Maybe I am dead and in hell?' _I wondered as I startled when I realized I was standing in the hallway. It was so long, I had never been in a house of this size, except, no I couldn't bring myself to even think their name, and it was too painful. Even in this dream, I clearly felt the pain of the recent loss I had suffered.

There were at least 5 more rooms on this floor, because apparently there was a third floor too, since a staircase was at the end of the hallway. There was a staircase at the middle of the hall too, leading downstairs. The hallway was white, as were the doors, it was strikingly blinding. I opened the first door closest to the bedroom I came from, it was the bathroom. I was relieved that I had found it this quickly; I felt no desire to sneak a peek of all the other rooms.

I walked inside the bathroom, which was complimented with blue tiles on the walls as well as on the floor. The bathroom was almost as large as the bedroom, which was still larger than almost any bathroom I had ever seen, with only a few exceptions I didn't want to think of. There was a large bath and shower there, along with a toilet, off course.

At the center of the right side of the bathroom, there was a sink and mirror. I turned on the water and let it rinse my hands. The water felt unnaturally cold for a dream as I brought it to my face and washed it, trying to appear saner. _'An impossible task'_ my brain told me, I was exasperated, why did this have to happen to me?

I briskly tried to neaten my hair by pulling the comb that had been lying on the sink, through it various time. I was content enough with the outcome and headed downstairs, unsure of the next direction I had to take in the huge house.

As I slowly walked down the stairs, step by step, carefully so I wouldn't trip in these shoes, my mind was racing over more possibilities of how I ended up here.

_'Not a dream... too vivid. Hell? No, not enough pain. Hell wouldn't distract me from __**him**__. What else is there then? Have I really gone nuts? I'm able to think, so my brain is clearly still working. Or maybe I really have gone insane and my brain is playing tricks on me, making me believe I am myself, but in truth, my self had disappeared. My brain has shut down and is filling it up with this make belief world to fill up the emptiness. Is that possible?' _

I hadn't even realized I had reached a flat surface until I heard Renee cough. She was standing before me; she had that same annoyed look upon her face. I pulled myself together so I could answer her if she asked me something. I had decided that, whatever it was that was happening, I would play along. I had nothing left to loose.

"You'll have to eat in the car, or we'll be late," Renee said, her tone overflowing with vexation. Food, she was talking about food, I couldn't even imagine eating anything. My stomach was so twisted up in holes and knots, barely holding together because of the hole _he _had caused just hours ago, though it seemed more like a lifetime than hours.

"I-I'm not that hungry. I think I'll skip breakfast today." I said, besides choking on my first word, the rest of the sentence had come out rather fluently. She eyed me curiously, making the moment between us extremely awkward. After what seemed like ages, she grabbed a black, leather briefcase and headed for the door, which was about 15 steps farther than where I was standing.

She had her hand on the doorknob, ready to turn it and open the door to provide me with some fresh air, and then she stopped in her tracks and turned around to face me again. I was standing mere inches from her now, "Where's your backpack? Your books?" She questioned me, completely taking me off guard. I hadn't given a single thought to school books; I had been too busy contemplating what was happening to me. When I didn't answer her immediately, I heard a low grumble form in her throat. If the situation hadn't been so horrific, I would have laughed at the attempt Renee had made, but I didn't, "Fine, go without them then, mess up your life even more, see if I still give a crap," Renee said as she turned back to the door, opened it again and walked outside, to the black Mercedes standing on the driveway.

I was frozen to the ground as I tried to make sense of her harsh words. At first, I had thought this Renee didn't _like _me, I had been wrong, she _hated_ me. I felt my eyes sting, tears were forming, about to fall down at any second. I shook my head forcefully, I couldn't cry, I wouldn't, this was not real. Besides, even if she did hate me, it didn't matter any more, nothing mattered anymore without _him_; I began to realize that more as the seconds passed by.

The sound of a car horn brought me back to reality. I blinked my eyes, hoping no tears would fall down and ran outside, slamming the door shut behind me. I quickly threw a few glances to both sides of the street, which were filled with beautiful large houses and villas; I clearly wasn't in Forks anymore. Suddenly, I felt like Dorothy, she hadn't been in Kansas anymore either, Toto.

I got in the car, put on my seatbelt and closed my eyes as Renee pulled out of the driveway, a long driveway, it seemed. Everything about this weird world was tormenting me, punishing me for some reason. And everything, the fancy car, the fancy house, the fancy clothing, everything reminded me of _him _and his family. I must have done something horrible in a past life to have deserved something like this.

I felt Renee sneaking glances at me as she drove, I didn't see it, but I felt the heat of her eyes on me. I knew she was watching me.

"You're not wearing any make-up," Renee said, it wasn't a question, but a statement. For the first time since I heard her voice, her tone was a mixture of curiosity, concern and wonder. I responded automatically as I would have done in a normal situation, "I don't wear make-up," Renee snickered at my answer; obviously it was not something I would have normally said to her in this world.

She didn't say anything else to me during the remainder of the ride. I had closed my eyes again, blocking out the entire world. I didn't want to see where I was, I only hoped, if I squeezed my eyes tight enough, I would be in Forks again when I opened them. Or, I would still be in this car, in this bizarre world, possibly doomed to repeat this day over and over again.

I felt the car come to a hold no more than 20 minutes into the ride. I opened my eyes and found myself staring at a high school even bigger than the one I had attended in Phoenix. A sign in front of the school read _**L.A. Public High School**_. So, I was in L.A., this definitely removed any remaining possibility of this being a dream. Because, I had never been in L.A., so I had no clue as to what it looked like, and now I was staring at an L.A. high school, it was so unreal.

I looked over at Renee, who was tapping her feet on the floor of the car, clearly wanting me out of it in a hurry. I opened the door, but waited for a second as I thought of something. If this didn't stop any time soon, I would have to know how to get 'home'. "Are you picking me up after school?" I asked, in a polite, shy tone. Evidently, I had startled her, I wondered if it was the tone in my voice or the question that had caught her off guard.

"You're getting a ride from Jessica, remember?" She said, she was a bit friendlier than she had been all morning. I nodded in response and got out of the car. As soon as I had closed the door, she had sped away.

As I looked towards the school, I saw Jessica and Lauren headed my way, calling out my name (or what they used as my name), waving in the process.

"Hey, Izzy, you look stunning, as usual," Jessica said as she gave me a peck on both my cheeks, Lauren followed her lead.

"Love the shoes, Gucci, right? New?" Lauren said as she eyed my shoes with admiration and jealousy showing on her face. I just nodded; I had no idea what she was talking about. Playing along was getting very difficult and tiresome.

Jessica and Lauren were looking from my clothes, to their own clothes, to my face, as if they were pleading for my approval. Not that they needed it, they weren't even supposed to like me very much, at least, Lauren wasn't. Jessica had been very friendly to me since I'd gotten to Forks, though she had gotten a bit jealous when I started dating... no one, no one at all.

I grimaced, preparing to give them a nice compliment. Being nice wasn't problematic for me, giving nice comments about clothes I knew nothing about, that was a problem, "And you two look absolutely fabulous, much better than me," I said as I forced myself to keep smiling. For a second, I thought I had said the wrong thing, because their mouths had fallen open in shock and disbelief, but then they smiled a huge smile at me, clearly delighted by my comment.

"Come on, let's head to the girls room for a quick make-up check before class," Jessica said as she turned around, rather gracefully, but was stopped by Lauren, who spun her back around. Lauren was looking at me in terror.

"Izzy! You're not wearing any make-up!" She exclaimed, now Jessica examined my face too, her eyes filled with atrocity instead of simple terror. I had apparently scared Lauren half to death and pissed Jessica off by not wearing any make-up. It was as if I had offended them by doing so.

"I was in a hurry today; I overslept and even forgot all my books. I have to go, I have to go by the office first, and I'll meet up with you later," I said, rapidly walking away from them before they could give me any more of their shock filled, insulted stares.

I had forgotten about the high heels I was wearing or about the fact that I was so clumsy, that, when the heel of my shoe got caught between one of the tiles, I was completely taken off guard as I fell.

I hit the stone cold ground with a loud smack, tearing the palms of my hands open and scraping my knees in the process. I immediately smelled the blood the second it had began flowing, making me light headed and ill. I felt the blush on my cheeks appear as they showed my embarrassment. I didn't look up at the students, nor did I make an effort to erect my posture, knowing the blood would make me faint at any second.

"Fall down, Swan?" I heard a familiar, soft male voice say in a mocking tone. I recognized the voice in an instant, but I knew I had to be wrong. I was wrong. It couldn't be _him_. Not here, not now. My breathing became more rapid and heavier as the seconds passed. Finally, I forced myself to look up. I gasped for air, still trying to ignore the scent of the blood, trying to keep my calm, but to no success.

It was Edward, it really was, only, it wasn't. His skin was darker, not as pale as it used to be. His eyes, his eyes were the dark green tint he had when he had been human, the eyes I had always longed to see once. I felt my heart break, the hole in my stomach growing bigger as I stared at his expression. It was one of hatred, cockiness and arrogance. I had never seen him look at me like that, not even when he had left me.

"What?!" He said, clearly uncomfortable by the way I was staring at him, as if he were a ghost. But I couldn't help myself; I couldn't take my eyes of his eyes. I tried to form some kind of thought, but the hole in my chest, the increasing of my breath and the smell of my blood was making me dizzy, turning my brain into jello. I finally managed to choke out one word, one world only.

"E-Edward?" I choked out, his expression turned from one of hatred, to unease, to utter and complete shock. He pursed his lips together and frowned, clearly assessing the situation. I felt my cheeks getting warmer, I was sure I was still getting paler by the second, I wasn't blushing. I brushed my hand against my cheek, probably leaving blood behind on it, and felt the warmth, wetness of my tears.

He seemed to be having a fierce discussion with himself in his head, clearly trying to decide whether or not to help me. Hmmm, a year and a half ago he saved me from getting crushed by a van, now he wasn't even sure if he wanted to help me get up. Now I was sure of where I was. _'I'm in hell.'_ Yes, this was definitely hell. I closed my eyes and was vaguely aware of the crowd getting closer to me, people were laughing, some expressing their worries, but by the sound of it, most of the students were glad I was hurt.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt a warm hand grab mine and pull me up without putting any effort to it. I opened my eyes; I was staring into Edward's face again, still holding his warm hand. His hot breath on my face was making me dizzy, even dizzier than I already was. Then, it dawned on me. Edward's hands were warm, his breath was warm, his eyes were green and his hair seemed slightly different too. He was still as handsome as ever, only, different, more human. And it hit me, he was human, not a vampire.

"You look like you're about to faint," He said, questioning my appearance, which I assumed, was pretty awful at the time. I saw the revulsion in his eyes as he glanced at my hand still holding onto his. I quickly dropped my hand to my side, defeated by the way he looked at me.

"What?" He asked again, the dislike still sounding through his voice, but somewhere in there I thought I detected a flicker of concern. It didn't last long however. It was all getting to be too much for me, this crazy world, whatever it was, Edward vampire, Edward human, Edward gone, Edward here, the hole in my stomach unsure whether to stay or not, the blood tickling all my senses, making me ill. I began to babble.

"I...d-don't....smell....blood..." I uttered, I was making no sense at all. My head continued to spin, my heartbeat out of control, my stomach forming knots, twisting and turning. Eventually everything went black before my eyes as I felt my knees cave in. The last thing I remembered were someone's arms against my back, preventing me from falling to the ground once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Down The Abyss**

_"I...d-don't....smell....blood..." I uttered, I was making no sense at all. My head continued to spin, my heartbeat out of control, my stomach forming knots, twisting and turning. Eventually everything went black before my eyes as I felt my knees cave in. The last thing I remembered were someone's arms against my back, preventing me from falling to the ground once more._

* * *

_**Yeah  
Lost 'til you're found  
Swim 'til you drown  
Know that we all fall down  
Love 'til you hate, Jump till you break  
Know that we all fall down. **_

_**All Fall Down by One Republic**_

_*******_

**Bella POV**

The beginning of a migrane was starting to form behind my right eye as I lay in the beautiful four-poster bed that supposedly was mine. I scoffed at the thought of this bed being mine or even this room - it was unreal, beyond comprehension.

My eyes were closed, trying to ignore the tingling sensation I felt on my palms and knees - I couldn't think of it, it reminded me too much of the events of a few hours ago. However, even though I tried to ignore the pained, stinging sensation on my skin caused by the fall, I couldn't stop my thoughts from going back to that moment. _He _had seemed so angry with me, _he _loathed me - and I had no idea why. So, I kept going back to that moment, trying to find something I did wrong, but time after time, I came up blank.

_The arms I felt against my back lifted me up and began walking. The movement was making me motion-sick. Luckily I hadn't eaten anything that morning, or I would've spiewed it all over this person. I knew who was carrying me, but I couldn't bring myself to think it was true. _

_Everything that had happened so far, had been a figmant of my imagination. The strange house - The precarious photographs - Renee here with me, in L.A. - vampires turning human - __**his **__marvellous green emerald eyes - __**his **__hatefull death glare, it was all so demoralizing, too unrealistic. Yet, somehow, it had happened, it was happening as __**he **__carried me somewhere in __**his **__arms._

_I kept my eyes closed as I clung on to his____body. I had no intention of opening them as he walked, for fear I would throw up on him. Nor did I plan on opening them as long as he____was with me; I felt no desire to witness __**his **__aversion once more. Though I wanted nothing more to see that angelic face again, I knew it wasn't really him. It was merely a mirrage of the person I really wanted to be with. _

_I hadn't even noticed the movement had stopped until I felt something hard and cold against my back. He had placed me on some sort of table, I guessed. Still, I did not open my eyes, afraid to find those heavenly eyes interlocking with mine once again. I lay perfectly still as I heard a door open and close, then open and close again. No one spoke for a while; it was unnerving._

_"Isabella? Can you hear me?" I heard a soft, velvet, male voice ask. I recognized it almost as fast as I had recognized his____voice. Again, I told myself I was imagining things - I was hearing voices I wanted to hear, but who were long gone. _

_I felt something cold against my sking, something made out of metal and which had a round shape - it was small. A stethoscope, maybe? My curiousity at the foreign object won over my resolve of keeping my eyes shut, so, reluctantly, I opened them. And indeed, I had been right, it was a stethoscope that I felt against my skin. That wasn't the only thing I had been right about, however - I had also been accurate about the origin of the voice - the person belonging to it. It was Dr. Carlisle Cullen, also different than in my world._

_His hair was the same blond tincture, but it was less shiny than it had been in my own world. His eyes were different as well - they were an enchanting, baby blue colour, matching the shade of his hair perfectly. He still had that movie star appearance, however, he looked younger, somehow. In my world, he had been bitten when he was 23, but he could pull it off to look a little older, if he wanted to. Now, he really looked young, without his inhuman beauty. He was still as beautiful as ever, just as he had been, just different. _

_His hands were warm as well, I felt it as he examined me further with his stethoscope. He probably hadn't noticed I had opened my eyes yet. I wanted to speak, to say something, anything; but the detection that Carlisle too was human left me feeling exasperated. Nothing about this world had anything in common with my real world. _

_"Isabella, are you lucid?" Carlisle asked, most likely hoping for an answer this time. I figured I couldn't keep my mouth shut forever, or he could put me in the luny bin or something, which was the last thing I needed, so I answered, "Yes, I am," I said in a small, timid voice tone. I had to focus very hard to prevent the tears I felt coming from shedding. _

_A wide grin formed on Carlisle's face as the corners of his mouth twitched up at the sound of my voice. He then took another medical instrumant - it looked like a tiny flashlight - and shone the light in my eyes, checking my pupils. When he seemed content, he put it away and I sat up straight, finally. My neck was starting to hurt from lifting it up for such a long period of time._

_"Hello, Isabella. I'm Carlisle, you had quite a fall," Carlisle said._

_"Yeah, I'm really clumsy," I replied, by which Carlisle eyes me curiously, he didn't seem to agree. Evidently that was one more thing that was different in this world, my inabilaty to walk a mile without falling down. It seemed as if I weren't clumsy at all in this world, which would explain the closet full of high heeled shoes._

_"Well, I had to stitch up one deep cut in your left knee, taped up your other knee and put bandages around your hands. The office called your mother - she'll be here shortly to pick you up. You need your rest." Carlisle said, adding no further comment to my answer about my clumsyness. I was thankfull for that, he seemed to be as compasionate as ever._

_"Okay, thank you," I replied, as I looked at my knees and hands. My knees were taped up and my palms were covered in bandages. I sighed, it had been a while since I had such a fall, well, that is if you don't count that time at the ballet studio with James. I shook my head, I couldn't think of that now. I could clearly feel where he had stitched up the cut in my knee, the area surrounding it was completely numb._

That all happened a little over 3 hours ago. Shortly after my conversation with Carlisle, my mother had come to retrieve me, as if I were some sort of helpless little puppy dog. She kept saying the same thing over and over again in the beginning. _"Thank you so much for taking care of my little girl, Dr. Cullen." _Carlisle had continuesly told her to call him by his first name, not his last. She didn't oblidge, though. She had seemed so worried, very different from the way she acted that morning. Even during the drive home, she kept asking me how I was, if I was okay, if I hurt a lot. I told her not to worry, I was fine. I would've told her I was used to it, but gathering from the reaction I got from Carlisle when I said something similair, I didn't think she would've let it go as easily as him. I wasn't clumsy Bella here, I was high heeled shoes wearing Izzy.

I had refused to eat, I couldn't stomach food today. As soon as we had gotten to this Renee's home, I had practicaly run upstairs and locked myself in this room, letting myself become consumed by my thoughts.

Renee hadn't gone back to work, she wanted to stay home to make sure I didn't faint again or anything worse. She had frequently called out to me from the bottom of the stairs to ask me if I were hungry, I had politely declined every offer. She hadn't come up to the room yet, thankfully, I don't think I could've stomached another conversation with another person I knew, yet didn't know at all.

Around 12_pm someone knocked on the door of the room I was laying in. I didn't reply to the sound, I simply wished it would go away. If I was stuck in this world, I didn't want to be surrouned by familiar people that were all strangers to me here. I'd rather be left alone if that were the case. I wasn't even here a whole day, and yet, I could feel the life slip from me with each passing minute. I didn't want to live here, I wanted to live in my own world. My own screwed up, wreck of a world. At least there I knew what to expect. Even though _he _wasn't in my world anymore, at least I would have the memories there, memories that were real. None of these so called memories anyone had of me were real, they were all fake. Something my brain imagined, perhaps. I didn't know what was happening, nor cared anymore. I just hoped, if I wished hard enough, I would be back in Forks again.

I heard the knock once more and sighed. _'Why won't you go away?!' _I thought angrily as the knock against the wooden door sounded in my ears. Then, as abruptly as it had started, it stopped. I was relieved that whoever it was had decided to go away, but my relief quickly dissipated when that person opened the door. I glanced at it, expecting to see Renee, but instead, I saw Charlie.

I was shocked by his appearance, he was the most different of all the people I had encountered so far. He was wearing a black suit, which fitted him well. He didn't look one bit awkward in it, he seemed perfectly at easy, actually. He still had all his hair, the brown colour matching the brown shade of his eyes, which I had enhirited from him. He looked worried, yet, he looked healthier than ever. There was a sparkle in his eyes I had hardly ever seen, it made him look years youngers than he was.

Yet, no matter how good he looked, he wasn't _my _Charlie. And that feeling hit me hard, just as it had when I had seen Renee for the first time. And Carlisle and even Jessica and Lauren, and not to mention _him_.

I showed no sign of feelings towards him, I was pretty sure that for once, my facial expression was unreadable - it was blank. Charlie frowned when I didn't say anything to awknowledge his presence, but he didn't let it stop him from approaching me. This was something _my _Charlie wouldn't have done.

He sat down next to me on the bed, swinging his legs on it in the proces. For a long time, neither of us spoke. I was resolved on remaining quiet, Charlie wasn't. After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke, "So, I heard you had quite a fall today, Izzy," he said, I wasn't planning on responding, but the word just escaped my lips. "Bella." I said, sounding firm for the first time that day. I hated being called Izzy, I wasn't Izzy, so they shouldn't call me that either. If I couldn't have my world, I could at least have my own name. Charlie raised his eyebrows in confusion, which made him look slightly more like _my _Charlie.

"What?" He asked, not sure what else to say.

"I want to be called Bella, not Izzy," I said, suprised at how sollid my voice sounded. I had expected it to crack or something, but it didn't. I saw Charlie's mouth fall open in shock, he clearly hadn't expected that, but he swiftly regained his previous, calm expression.

"Alright... Bella. What brought on this sudden name change?" He asked, cautious, staring at my still unreadable expression. I sighed, I had no idea how to answer that question. I couldn't exactly tell him the truth, or it would most deffinately mean the luny bin, but I could lie either, I was a terrible liar. So I decided to go with a half-truth. "I just preffer Bella over Izzy, that's all. I think it suits me better," I said, hoping he wouldn't see I wasn't completely honest with him. He suprised me by simply nodding.

"If Bella is what you like, than Bella it is," He said, I hadn't expected him to surrender so easily - I was appreciative for that.

Then there was silence again, I wondered why he had ever come to this room if all he wanted to do was sit with me in awkward silence. Eventually, he spoke again, and just like earlier, I didn't expect what was coming. This Charlie was so different from _mine_, first, he was much more observant, and second, he didn't seem so quiet as _my_ Charlie.

"What's wrong Iz- I mean Bella? You seem so different today, a complete different person from yesterday or any day for that matter. What changed?"

What was I to say to that? Off course I seemed different from yesterday, that's because I wasn't even here yesterday. I wanted to say I seemed so different to him because I wasn't really his daughter, but I refrained myself from doing so. I honestly didn't know the right answer to that question. I couldn't even really answer it for myself. _'What did change? He left me, then I was here. How did that happen? Is this really all in my imagination, because I'm less convinced of that every passing second. Or did someone do this to me? Is that possible? It could be possible, right? If vampires exist, that other creatures exist too? Creatures that could've done this to me?' _I was completely obsorbed in my thoughts, I forgot all about Charlie's presence next to me.

"Iz- ...Bella?" he questioned me, I startled from my thoughts and glanced at his face, worry written all over it. Since I had no real answer to his question, but I couldn't lie either, I just decided to blurt out whatever came to mind first. Everything that didn't involve me being commited to the insane assylum.

"Let's just say I had this weird dream in which I was a complete different person, a person I liked more and decided to be who I really am and stop hiding behind my petty façade and make-up." Charlie looked shocked by what I said, clearly it wasn't something the 'old' me would have said. _'Am I really so dense in this world?' _I watched as Charlie's expression changed from shock, to wonder, then finally to contentment. He was glad? That was strange, but I would take what I could. For as long as I was stuck here, wheverever here might be.

"I think that's very wise of you, Isabella. I'm sure it will please your mother as much as it pleases me. We've been waiting for this change for a long time, and I'm thrilled you've finally reached it," Charlie said, then leaned in and kissed the top of my head. I shivered, not because I was cold or scared, but because I wasn't used to such a physical contact from him. He gave me one last smile before stepping out of the bed and then out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

Again, I found my self running through every possible scenario of what might've happened. A lot of the scenario's seemed so ludicrous that I quickly forgot about them. In the end, I was left with 3 possibilities.

OPTION 1: This was a dream, a nightmare. I was stuck in my sleep because this world appealed to me more than the world where I had nothing at all. Then again, this world didn't do anything to appeal to me, except for the fact that _he _was here. But then, it wasn't really _him_. So, maybe I just dreamed this world up to compensate for what happened in the real world. To shy away from the impending pain I was sure to feel upon waking.

That was the least likely option, it felt too vivid to be a dream or nightmare. However, it was a plausible scenario, so I thought it over very carefully.

OPTION 2: This was not a dream, nor nightmare. I have simply gone insane - my brain shut down. And the little amount of braincells that still worked made up this make-belief world to compensate for the lack of everything else. I was stuck in my subconsious state until one day my heart would heal and my brain would sense that healing and begin to repair itself too.

This seemed a more likely scenario than the first; it explained why everything felt so real. Though, it was a rather depressing scenario, because, if it was true, it meant I really had lost my mind. But at least it gave me hope that I wouldn't be stuck here forever.

OPTION 3: I'm not dreaming nor have I gone insane, it has nothing to do with something I did. Something or someone did this to me for some reason. If vampires existed in my world, it was conceivable that other mythical creatures existed too. I had no idea who or what would want to do this to me - I had no idea who I could've enraged so much. But if some creature really did do this to me, it meant I could find a way out. I could do some investigating and force whoever did this to me to take me back to my own world. If someone did do this to me, than this wasn't a figment of my imagination, but an alternate reality of some sort.

This was my favorite scenario, not because it was such a delightful one, but because this one meant I had not gone insane; I had just been brought here by someone or something. It was rather unnerving to think that someone would go to such lengths to get rid of me, but I couldn't let myself be ratled by that - I needed to focus. If this was what happened, I could find a way out. I would find a way out and nothing would be able to stop me.

So, after deliberating for a while I came to a decision; I chose option 3. I wasn't sure if it was because I'd liked that option the most or if it was because it seemed like the most sane one - well, as sane as can be in my situation. Anyways, that was the option I chose, so that was the scenario I'd stick with. As a result I would now have to do everything in my power to find a way out. All the while trying not to fall apart as everything in this world reminded me of _him_.

Hitherto I had been able to bury the pain deep inside myself, as deep as possible. Nevertheless, I knew it would break out soon and overwhelm me completely. Until then, I was able to think as clearly as possible in my situation.

I was so consumed by my thoughts I never heard the knock on my door or the sound of it opening and closing. I became aware of someone's presence nearby when that person coughed. I sat up straight from the enormous bed I was laying in and stared at Renee - I couldn't call her my mother, she wasn't, not really.

She appeared conservative, as if she wasn't sure she should be here. I managed to give her a small, encouraging, fake smile. She seemed somewhat reassured by it and walked a little closer to me and the bed.

As I looked closely, I noticed she was holding a tray of food in her hands; I had been so focussed on her face I hadn't even noticed that. My stomach grumbled slightly at the sight of the food; an apple, some crackers with cheese, a cupcake and a glass of milk. I realized I needed food - better said, my body needed food. I had no appetite at all; but if I was going to find my way out of here, I'd need my strength; which required some food in my system.

"I thought I'd bring you some food since it's getting late and you haven't come downstairs to eat yet," Renee said, I wondered how late it was; it seemed only minutes ago that Charlie left the room. I glanced at the window and found - much to my shock - that it was already dark outside. "What time is it?" I asked Renee, not really paying any attention at her. I was too engaged with the darkness of the outside world to notice her. The darkness reminded me so much of my last moments in Forks, moments I couldn't think of, for my own sake, but couldn't shake either.

"It's 8 o'clock." I was shocked, I had been sitting on this bed since I had gotten back from school and the last time I payed any attention to the hour was when Charlie had come in, which had now been 8 hours ago. I had no idea time could move so fast, I was under the impression it was actually moving rather slowly - clearly I was wrong. "Oh." was the only sound I made, I had no idea what else to say. With _my _Renee, I knew exactly what the right thing was to say and what the wrong thing was; I didn't have that feeling with this Renee. She wasn't the one I loved; she wasn't the person I viewed as my best friend.

I was thinking too much - again - that I wasn't aware of the movements my body made. Unconsiously, I had lifted my hand up to brush some loose strains of hair out of my face; that's when the bad part came. "What is that?" Renee asked, I eyed her curiously; I wasn't aware she wasn't looking at my face, but at my hand - confusion filled her eyes. "What?" I asked, unsure of why she was looking so apprehensive.

She walked even closer to me now; she moved alongside the bed and sat down closely to where I was sitting, my back against the headboard. She didn't repeat her question, instead, she took my hand in hers and her fingers traced the crescentshaped scar on it that was just a few degrees colder than the rest of my skin.

I shuddered; it brought back memories I had long tried to forget, even before all this happened. Not to mention that it brought back all sorts of memories connected to _him_ - I was still very carefull not to think _his_ name, it was hard enough to think of _him _at all. I felt the hole in my stomach ache, the edges of it were pulling apart even further as I unintentionally began thinking of my better times with _him_.

I pulled my hand from my mother's and wrapped my arms around me shielding myself from even more pain than I felt at the moment. I had been so vigilant all day not to think of _him_, and now all I could do was think of my moments with _him_. Images of the restaurant in Port Angeles crept it's way up to the surface as I remembered my 'date' with _him_. He had saved my life and been so open about everything, it had been one of the best nights of my life. Then I pictured us in the meadow again, _OUR _meadow; how we just sat there, looking at each other, nothing more. It had been such a serene afternoon; I still couldn't believe I had actually been there with _him_. Our first kiss flashed before my eyes - our late night conversations in my bedroom - how he had saved me from the van - the dance he took me to against my will - our dates during the summer, the best summer of my life - how _he _always hummed me to sleep with the lullaby he had composed for me - the horific events on my birthday just days ago - and then us in the forest and how _he _told me _he _didn't want me and then left me all alone...

"Isabella?" Renee asked, I looked up at her face through watery eyes, I hadn't realized I had begun crying and slightly hyperventilating. I shook my head at her, jumped up from the bed, ran out the room, into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me, slid myself down on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. I had let the pain loose, it was even worse than this morning when I had simply thought of _his _name. Now that I had recalled all our moments together, it was too much. It felt as though my stomach was tearing me to pieces, ripping me apart as much as possible, leaving barely anything intact for me to survive.

I lay down on the cold floor, my skin welcoming the cold feel to it - it brought me closer to the cold touch I had loved so much at one time and had now lost. I could hear a faint voice in the background - Renee's voice - but I didn't register what she said, I was too far off. I was drowning in my sorrow, drowning so fast and hard that I had trouble breathing. I heard a strange sound in the room, almost like a scream; it startled me when I realized the cries were coming from me. Though, it didn't surprised me, I expected something like this would happen the very moment _he _abandoned me. I had simply been too numb at first and then too shocked by today's events for me to break down like this. Now that everything did seep through, I couldn't go back to that state of numbness of earlier. I was stuck in this period of sobs and cries. I had no other choice but to face up to all the pain I was feeling; to face up to how miserable I was.

Seconds - minutes - maybe hours passed as I lay there on the floor, unable to stop the tears streaming down my face and the cries from escaping my mouth. Eventually, my cries lestened as well as my tears, until I was finaly still. I didn't stand up, I didn't move a muscle, I just continued to lay there, immobile. I was tired, my eyelids drooping, yet I fought against my sleep. Last time I fell asleep, I woke up in a strange world, I didn't want to go through that again. Though I knew if I slept I would probably awaken on this same bathroom floor that belonged to strangers who looked like my parents and sounded like them but weren't them.

Unfortunately, sleep won over my will to stay awake, and eventually, I did fall asleep. It wasn't a peacefull sleep, not at all. It couldn't even clarify as a normal nightmare; it was more than that, it was hell. I had fallen asleep and fallen straight into the very pits of hell.

I had no sense to where I was; it was dark, yet light. It was as if I was surrounded by fire, strange, beautifull, blue fire. It surrounded me, suffocated me; my mind told to me run; it screamed at me - but run was one thing I could not do. I was frozen in place, terrified of what was to come. The fire was too beautiful - too enchanting to comfort me. The beauty seemed out of place, as if it was placed there to misguide me; make me feel safe when I actually was anything but that.

My eyes had trouble adjusting to the scenary, they were utterly and entirely focussed on the fire, if that was even what it was.

"Where am I?!" I heard myself scream, I was suprised by the sound of my own voice. It was so unexpected, as if it was someone else's scream I heard, yet I knew it was my own; it had to be, I was the only one there.

_**HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL HELL **_

No one spoke the word, but, somehow, it flashed before my eyes again and again in all sorts of bright colours - taunting me, laughing at me. My body started to tremble, I wanted nothing more than to get out of there, even if it meant I had to return to a world that didn't belong to me.

"Answer me!!!" I cried out to no one in perticular, I didn't even know why I did that, I just did. No one answered, there was nothing but complete silence. Then, out of the blue, I heard someone laugh. It was a high pitched, ridiculing, abhorrent laugh. It send shivers up my spine and my trembling body begain to shake even harder. My legs couldn't keep upright any longer, my knees buckled in and I fell to the ground.

Terror overcame me as I realized I was still falling, I hadn't hit the floor, I hadn't even been standing on one. I was falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. Terrified, I began screaming, waiting for the bonecrushing crash to come - it never came.

Abrupty, I awoke, screaming - my eyelids popped up, wide with fright - and I gasped. Sweat was dripping from my forehead, my breathing uneven and too quick. Though logic told me it was merely a dream, nothing to be afraid of, something other inside me told me it was more than a dream - more than a nightmare or even hell. Something told me what I had just experiences had actually happened to me.

I was anxious about the possibility I was right and it really did happen. I tried to calm myself down, but couldn't. I couldn't even stand up, it was like I was glued to the cold, hardened floor. I curled my body up in a ball, wrapped my arms around my legs and returned back to my earlier crying. Something was happening to me, something bad, and yet, all I wanted, all I needed was for _him _to be with me, comfort me and tell me everything would be okay. If that would happen, I would be okay, I would be able to handle it. But that was never going to happen and I knew it, so I wasn't okay. Nothing was okay as I sobbed into my lap. Nothing would ever be okay again.

I was DOOMED.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Shopping Time**

_Something was happening to me, something bad, and yet, all I wanted, all I needed was for him to be with me, comfort me and tell me everything would be okay. If that would happen, I would be okay; I would be able to handle it. But that was never going to happen and I knew it, so I wasn't okay. Nothing was okay as I sobbed into my lap. Nothing would ever be okay again._

*******

_**Cuz I`m losing my sight  
Losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I`m fine  
Losing my sight  
Losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I`m fine**_

_**Last Resort by Papa Roach**_

*******

Eventually, sleep prevailed over my desperate resolution to stay awake, once again, and I fell into a deep slumber - nightmare free, this time. I was grateful no more nightmares came; or whatever that was, I had no idea. During my second sleep, my mind was numb, my feelings shut off - it was a hollow feeling, though. Even asleep, it didn't feel right to me - it felt like I had died and ceased to exist or something, and it was slightly unpleasant.

I had no idea what time it was or how long I had slept when I woke once more. It was clearly morning or maybe even later, since the sun had risen high up in the cloud-free, crystal clear sky.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and blinked several times to adjust to the light - my eyes were dry from all the crying. I got up slowly then - it was a hard movement, I was so stiff from lying on the floor for so many hours, unmoving. My hands stung, my knees ached and my throat was sore - I needed some water and a shower. A shower always calmed me; the feel of the hot water on my skin soothed my muscles and relaxed me in a way nothing else could.

I was terrified to go downstairs and face Renée or Charlie, or both. Maybe, if I was lucky, they would be gone already, but I didn't have my hopes up. That wasn't the only reason I was terrified, though. It wasn't even the main reason. What I was terrified of was, well, everything. If I had been scared yesterday, it was nothing compared to the fear I had been feeling ever since last night's nightmare - or whatever it was; because I still believed it had been real.

But I had to go downstairs at one point, I still hadn't eaten in forever, and my body was beginning to protest against the lack of food in my system. So, I took the first step and opened the bathroom door. I stood there for a long while, trying to get my emotions under control. I knew I looked like a wreck - how could I not after the night I just had? I didn't check in the mirror to confirm what I already knew - no reason to frighten myself any further. So even if I did get my emotions under control, which I highly doubted at the moment, it wouldn't do much good since anyone could see how damaged I was.

Eventually, I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen, where Renée was sitting at the counter drinking coffee. She looked up when I came in and the emotions in her eyes showed nothing other than sympathy and fear. I swallowed and conjured up a fake smile - no need for her to feel as terrified as I.

Her clothes didn't reflect her feelings, however - they were more casual than the first time I had seen her. She was wearing dark blue jeans, a red tank top and a blue vest. Her hair was hanging loose, she was beautiful. While I looked like a monster, still dressed in the clothes I put on the morning before. I hadn't changed when I came home the day before, I had hardly moved.

"Hi," I said; my voice was hoarse and sounded strange, I was surprised it was my own. She smiled back, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes, it was distorted in pain - I had no idea why she was feeling pain, but it made me feel guilty; even though she wasn't my real mother, I still seemed to care a great deal for her.

"Hello, Iz-" she paused and sighed, Charlie had obviously told her about my name change and she didn't seem to like it, "-Bella, I mean. How are you feeling this morning?" she continued, looking at me with a wary expression. The underlining meaning in her sentence was obvious, she wanted to know what all the screams were about last night - I would never tell her. "I'm fine, thank you. What time is it?" I asked, again, she seemed a little thrown off by my friendly, casual tone, but tried not to show it.

"It's 5:30, you're up early. You usually sleep in late on a Saturday," she added, I frowned, it was Saturday? I couldn't remember what day it had been when _he _left me - it hurt to even think about it - but I was sure it had been somewhere in the beginning of the week, not the end. Which meant I had skipped some days, or someone made me skip a few days, I didn't know. When I thought about what Renée had said, I almost laughed aloud - _my _Renée almost always slept till noon on a Saturday and I was always up by 6 or 7; apparently the roles were reversed in this world.

"Oh," was all I said in response to her observation - I couldn't explain why I was up so early. _'Well, Renée, I fell into hell last night and didn't really sleep well after that. How about that, huh?!' _Yeah, I could imagine what she would say to that.

"So, Iz- sorry, I mean Bella. Ugh, that's gonna take some time getting used to," she trailed off, I fake-coughed to get her mind back on track - a method I used a lot with _my _Renée. _'Hmm, I guess some things never change.' _I thought to myself, waiting for her to continue. "Oh, yeah, where was I?" she said, thinking about what she was going to say before she got annoyed by my name change. "Oh, right. So, I took a day off of work, Charlie didn't mind. I was thinking maybe we could do something together today?" She asked, but my thoughts were on what she said about Charlie. Why wouldn't he mind? Did she work with him? What kind of work did they do exactly? I would have to figure that out later.

"Uh, I though I was grounded," I said, confused. I clearly remembered what she said about me being grounded and not getting my Jaguar back until I was un-grounded. Did I dream that or something?

"Going out with your mother isn't exactly the same as going out till all hours of the night with your friends, is it?" She said, and for the first time in this conversation, I heard the irritation in her voice toward me again. I didn't respond, how could I? I didn't go out, that was their Izzy, their version of me. I wasn't her, I wasn't a party girl. How could I make it clear to them I had changed without them thinking I had gone crazy? _'Well, it would explain a lot.' _A voice in my head said; I groaned internally, I had dropped that option - I hadn't gone crazy, someone did this to me. _'Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.' _The voice in my head chipped in, much to my aggravation. _'Shut up!' _I replied, by which the voice also replied, _'Yeah, talking to yourself, no, you sure haven't gone crazy.' _The voice said, sarcasm flowing through it.

"Ughh," I groaned, Renée looked at me with confusion - she had heard nothing of my mental conversation with myself and probably thought if I was going crazy. I almost kicked myself in the head for thinking about that option again - I had thrown it out the window, beside, the more I thought about it, the more it did feel as if I were going crazy - hence, the voice.

"Uh, what do you think? Do you want to hang out with your old lady here?" She asked, pointing at herself. I rolled my eyes, now she did remind me of _my _Renée - it hurt a little to think that. I couldn't get attached to her, I would find my way out of here, I promised myself.

"Well, I kind of forgot where I put my money I saved up...," I trailed off; I had no idea if I had any money saved up here, and if I did, I had no idea where it was. She seemed confused by my statement and gave me a look that screamed: _'My god, my daughter has gone crazy'_.

"Your money is in the bank - your father and I have control over it, remember?" She said, still giving me that yep-she's-crazy-look.

"Oh, right, I forgot. So, out of curiosity, how much money have I saved so far? I always forget," I said, she was still looking at me funny, but she replied, "$5890, I know no one who's better at saving money than you," she stated as if that would get rid of any flaws she thought I had, or better said, she though Izzy had. But I had to admit, it was a lot! I had never had so much money in my entire life - then, an idea hit me. "We could go shopping, I'm, uh, dying for some new shoes and clothes," I said, though I hated shopping, I knew I had to do it. I couldn't walk in any of the shoes this Izzy character seemed to have and the clothes weren't really my style either. Besides, my style was changing a lot, I didn't even know if I still liked my old style - I felt like I needed a darker style to match my feelings.

"Oh, I'd love to do that Iz- oh damn, I mean Bella," She said, she definitely had more trouble with the name change than Charlie seemed to have. "It's been such a long time since we've shopped together, I've missed that," she stated and I felt sorry for her - her daughter, Izzy, didn't seem to do anything with this Renée, while I did everything with her; well, I used to do everything with her before I moved to Forks. But I had moved to make her happy; I doubted _Izzy _would have done the same.

Thinking about Izzy made me think about something else - if I was here, then where was she? Had she taken my place in Forks? Or had someone taken her so they could put me here? Was I missing now in Forks? Were they looking for me? Or were they experiencing the same as the people here, a complete personality change? More questions that filled my head, making it ache. More questions I couldn't possibly answer, not yet anyway.

"Good, so, I'll take a shower first and then I'll make us some lunch and we can go," I said, by which Renée's eyes widened in surprise. I didn't understand her, especially not when she burst into a fit of laughter. "Have...you...gone...crazy?!" She said in between giggles - I almost said yes but refrained myself from doing so. Finally, she stopped laughing and whiped the tears that had formed in her eyes, away. "Since when do you make lunch? You know you can't cook for the life of you," she said. Crap, how was I going to explain this one? I quickly came up with a lie - it was strange, though I was a terrible liar, the more I did it, the easier it became.

"Oh, I went to this cooking class with, euh, Jessica and Lauren-," I almost gagged when I said that last name, "-and I really liked it and went back a couple of times. Turn out I'm actually a good cook. This was all before I got grounded, of course," I quickly added, I didn't want to enrage her.

"Okay... I guess I'll have to wait and see then," she said, her voice hesitant, but then continued in a casual tone of voice, "You'll have to put some plastic around those bandages if you're taking a shower, I'll get you some," she said and began searching in a cabinet for something. She seemed a little reluctant to talk about my wounds - I guess it reminded her of how crazy I had gotten the day before; I couldn't blame her for her attitude.

She handed me some plastic foil and some waterproof tape so the foil couldn't come loose. I thanked her and headed upstairs to take a shower.

Once I was sure my knees and hands were going to be free of water, I stepped under the hot water. I could instantly feel my tense body relaxing - my muscles relaxed by the feel of the hot water. I was calm now; nothing could touch me in this state. Well, that was as long as I didn't think of _him_. Just thinking of him would send me back into a hysteric state and that would not be good now. It did surprise me how good I was at avoiding thinking of him - it didn't always work, which I demonstrated yesterday, but it worked better than I imagined. I figured it had something to do with the fact I was so consumed with thoughts of how I wound up here.

Though, it wasn't because I wasn't thinking of _him_, I wasn't in pain. I was in tremendous pain - there was a hole in my stomach pulling at the edges, waiting to rip me open as it did last night. Only, it was waiting to rip me apart so much I wouldn't be able to recover - it was waiting to kill me. So, in a way, I guess I was thankful I had something to distract me with - something horrific and terrifying, but something nonetheless.

After my shower - I ended up staying in it for over an hour, if not longer - I went back into Izzy's room - I still couldn't bear to think of it as my room - and searched for something to wear. Again, I groaned at the sight of the clothes - the happy colours and exposing outfits didn't help with my gloomy mood. Eventually, I decided to wear another pair of white jeans, a purple top - the only purple in the closet, also the darkest colour - and a white, jeans vest. I didn't know, nor cared, if it matched - I never was one to get exited over clothes.

By the time I came to the shoes, I was cussing under my breath. I knew if I wore any of those shoes again, I was sure to fall down, again. I put on some socks and went downstairs on them - I would ask Renée if she had some sneakers I could lend.

Renée was confused as to why I would want to wear sneakers; she said I only wanted to wear high-heeled shoes, nothing else. "Yeah, well, funny thing, I seem to have become very clumsy lately and I can't seem to walk in those shoes without falling down now," I had said, she had raised her eyebrows in disbelief, but accepted by lie nevertheless. She gave me a nice pair of white sneakers, which I happily accepted. I told her she'd get them right back once I bought some of my own.

She had also commented on my lack of make-up usage again, and once more, I had lied. "Oh, I read somewhere that too make make-up use is bad for the skin, so I'm laying off it for a while," I had said, she had accepted that lie easier than the one about the shoes. "Right you are, honey. Besides, you're pretty enough, you don't need it," she had said, I almost rolled my eyes at that. I knew I was a hideous creature, why else would _he _had left? I quickly thought of something else, not wanting to have another mental breakdown before her. I'm sure she noticed the way I cringed when she said that, though she didn't comment on it.

Once I was fully clothed, I went into the kitchen to work on lunch - while Renée sat in the living room reading a book. She sure was different than _my _Renée.

I ended up making a Chicken Ceasar salad - Renée had ended up loving it, she thought it tasted amazing. It didn't really taste like anything to me; I just ate to keep my strength up, though I didn't really see the point in it.

Around 1 pm, we left for the mall - it was huge, very different than the small one in Forks, or the one I had thought was big back in Phoenix - just like the school, it seemed enormous. I went through the motions as we shopped - I found some things that seemed to fit me and my mood and bought them. Renée didn't really like them; she said they were too dark and too cheep. Apparently, Izzy only wore things by famous designers, while I looked at the prices as well as the clothes and not the designers.

I ended up buying nothing but black, grey, brown, and dark purple clothing. I think I spend a total of $270 dollars on 50 or so items, like Renée said, they were all very cheep - some cost no more than $2. Normally, I didn't buy this much at once, but I needed some normal clothes and since I had none at Renée's house, I needed to buy a lot. I also bought 3 pairs of sneakers, also rather cheep. Shoes were automatically more expensive than clothes, but I hadn't spent so much. I ended up paying a total of $93 dollars for the shoes. One pair was in black, one in white with black stripes and one pair in brown with white stripes. Renée had mentioned something about how I normally paid at least $100 dollars for a pair of shoes; she was surprised I spent almost nothing this time. Though I thought it was a lot. I guess rich people didn't really have to worry about money.

Renée said that despite my sudden clothing change, she enjoyed herself - I didn't, I just went through the motions. I only spoke when she asked me a question, I was moody all afternoon, and I was surprised she didn't see that.

We ended up eating pizza at the mall - she wanted to go to one of the fancy restaurants nearby, but I had refused, said I wanted pizza. I didn't really care what I ate - I couldn't taste it anyway - but I didn't want to spend any more money than necessary; it wasn't my money to spend.

It was late by the time we got home, almost 7, and I headed straight for bed. I was tired and wanted to be alone, the whole shopping excursion had drained me. But I was afraid to sleep, afraid that the nightmare or whatever it had been would come back, so despite my better knowledge, I took some painkillers I found in my bathroom. I took 3 of them after reading the instructions on the bottle, they were harmless. They would knock me out for the night and chase any unwanted nightmares away so I could sleep peacefully tonight. I knew I wouldn't be able to do this every night, but one night couldn't hurt.

And I was right; after taking the pills, it took me less than half an hour to drift into a sleepless dream. It felt the same to me as the last night when I fell asleep for the second time - hollow, empty - as if I had ceased to exist and died. I didn't like that feeling at all, it was bad enough I felt that way when I was awake, I didn't want to feel like that when I was asleep. Though it was better than the nightmare, which I was sure would come haunt me again when I was awake and when I went to bed again the next day, without the help of pain killers.

I guess I had to wait and see for what was to come next, though one thing I was sure off; tomorrow, I would surf the net and look for any clues as to how I got here. I was going to find something! I would get out of this place and back to Forks! That much I believed.


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: Sorry for the long wait, won't happen again, enjoy!_**

**_Oh, also, this chapter is supposed to be edited by devilsgenie, my beta, but for some reason fanfiction wouldn't allow me to upload the edited version, so you might find a few mistakes in here, sorry for that!_**

**Chapter 4: Searches, break-ups and dreams**

_**I guess I had to wait and see for what was to come next, though one thing I was sure off; tomorrow, I would surf the net and look for any clues as to how I got here. I was going to find something! I would get out of this place and back to Forks! That much I believed.**_

*******

_**I will go rolling fast  
Arms out in the rain  
Feel momentum building to lift  
Off ground like an airplane  
Love ties you down to the pain  
A billion eyes are watching first light  
They see what remains  
Remains**_

_**Remains by Maurissa Tancharoen**_

*******

I woke up late sunday morning due to the medication I had taken the night before - it was ten till nine in the morning when I woke up with a loud groan - but at least I was better rested than the previous day. My mood was the same - gloomy, dark, depressing, scared - as the past 2 days; no change there.

I remember my vow to search the net and try to find my way out of here, starting today. I could no longer waste any time wallowing in self-pity; I had to withstand the pain now, do my best to stay strong, not fall apart and find my way back home. If Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz could do it, then so could I.

However, my plans to hit the books - figure of speech - were cut short by a loud grumbling coming from the very pits of my torn up stomach. _'Ugh, why do I have to be hungry right now?' _I thought as my face turned into a scowl and I stalked out of the room, to the kitchen downstairs - not even bothering to shower first, there was plenty of time for that later.

Apparently, I had the house all to myself today. I found a note by Renée on the kitchen table, stating she and Charlie had an emergency at work and would be gone all day and possibly night. The note also said to call the office if anything was wrong, though I had no idea what the number was or where and what the office was. I got an idea. Maybe I could google them - if i didn't forget, I had a lot on my mind after all - and see if I come up with something concerning their jobs; they appeared to be rich, so it was possible I could discover something about Charlie and Renée's jobs.

I searched the cabinets in the kitchen for a quick snack, maybe something I could eat up in Izzy's room. After an extensive search, I found a box of granola bars and took it with me upstairs; maybe, if I were lucky, I would even be able to taste the food I ate today.

One back in the enormous room, wich I still couldn't get over how beautiful it was, I fired up the laptop, taking bites of my granola bar - which didn't taste good, but not bad either - while I waited for it to be ready.

A scream almost escaped my lips when I saw the laptop was secured with a password - Izzy probably didn't want her parents pry about her personal documents or something similair to that - one that I had no idea of knowing. How, on god's green earth, was I supposed to decipher this password? I wasn't Izzy, I didn't think like her, I was completely different! Or was I? In a way, I guess we were the same. We shared the same parents, the same blood, the same looks, so maybe we shared some similair thoughts as well? Just because or personalities were completely different, that didn't mean all our thoughts were, right? I guess I could only hope that was the case, or else I would have no access to this laptop at all.

I typed in the first word that crossed my mind: **ISABELLA**. _'Yeah, original right, choose your name as your passwords. That will never work.' _My mind told me, I ignored my stupid little voice and pressed enter, hoping I would be allowed to the contents of the laptop now. Sadly, it didn't work, didn't know why I thought it would work either, such a stupid password. I tried again: **IZZY**. Maybe she was so shallow she used her nickname. Sadly, I was wrong, again.

I thought more carefully for my next try, I didn't know how many times I would be allowed to type in a false password before the laptop shut me off completely. Suddenly, without really thinking off it, but clearly feeling the aching throb in my stomach and heart as I did it, I typed a new name: **EDWARD**. I was possitive it would not work - though something inside me said it would - I clearly remembered how this world's Edward seemed to hate me, so why shouldn't Izzy hate him as well?

Hesitantly, I pressed enter, waiting for the laptop to refure the password, yet secretly hoping it would be accepted. Much to my surprise - though a part of me, thought I didn't know why, was not surprised at all; if anything, that part was a little smug - the laptop accepted the password and brought me to the laptop's desktop.

While I was fully intend on starting up the net in search for my escape from this world, and not snoop around any of Izzy's files, a folder on the desktop caught my attention. The title read: **My secret self**. I raised my brows in confusion, clicked on the map and found there were 64 documents in the folder. I randomly clicked on one in the middle and began reading. What I read, shocked me beyond belief.

_Dear Diary,_

_Hey, Izzy here! Today sucked! School sucked! I hate Jessica and Lauren following me around like stupid plastic dolls! They're so annoying, but, I have to live up to my rep and stick with them, much to my dismay._

_But, the thing that sucked even more, was the same thing as always: Edward Cullen. Or, as I like to call him: Hottie love-of-my-life McHottie! God, I can't believe he hates me! More than that, I can't believe he thinks I hate him!!! I don't hate him for Christ' sake, I love him! I've always loved him, eversince that day we met at 2nd grade. At least then we were best friends, at least then I had him in my life! Since high school began, all we have been has been enemies; no more, no less. I wish I could turn back time and ask for forgiveness. I still can't believe I let him go just because Jessica and Lauren - who I thought were my friends back then - told me he was no good for me, how he didn't even like me, how he spread ugly rumors around about me. All lies, I found out a while ago, all deceptions. They wanted Edward and wanted me out of the way. Stupid bitches! Well, at least they didn't get him either, he was never interested in them._

_Anyway, now I've written this down for like the 20th time, I'll get back to today. I bumped into Edward during lunch and god did I blush as red as a tomato! He just gave me the same cold, hating, distant look as always; everytime he gives me that look, I feel like dying._

_Why can't I just tell him I'm sorry, I love him and never want to let him go?! Oh, right, because I'm a self-absorbed, shallow, fake bitch! Oh, and yeah, not to mention, I still have my asshole of a boyfriend to think off. Jason Grindson - stupid, cheating-ass boyfriend of mine - I've been dating him for 2 fucking years! Ugh, I hate him!_

_I hate my life! I hate that Edward hates me! I hate that my parents hate me and my stupid, selfish behaviour! I hate it all!_

I stopped reading then, rapidly closing the file as I didn't want to intrude any more than I already had. I sure hadn't expected anything like that. Maybe she wasn't so different from me after all? She just pretended to be? But why pretend? Why go through all the effort to be someone else when you could be yourself? For popularity? For friends you hated? For a cheating boyfriend? I didn't understand.

_'Great, now I'm completely distracted!' _I thought as I remembered my initial goal on this laptop: search the net and find a way out of here! I nodded to myself, still ignoring the searing pain in my heart and stomach, clicked on the internet icon and waited for it to start.

The page came up on Google - exactly what I needed - and I typed in the first thing that came to mind: **ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS**. I heaved a sigh; 1.500.000 hits?! It would take me forever to get through that. I scanned the first page quickly, trying to determine if I would find anything useful through this search.

I found several links to wikipedia, but they were all about fiction books, not what I was looking for. I found a site named _**Alternate Dimensions or Worlds**_, but all I found was a discusion forum of people talking about the subject in ways I could hardly comprehend. I went back to my search in hopes I would find something in normal english, not giberish.

I came across a few more sites where nothing posted on it was of my understanding. Eventually, I changed the search topic and typed in: **ALTERNATE REALITY OR UNIVERSE**. I didn't have to search long before I found an interesting title: _**What is a parallel universe?**_ I clicked on it and carefully read the article posted on the site.

I learned that scientists now believe that there is more than one world in the universe, and that those worlds could easily contain a copy of ourselves, just slightly different. I found that to be highly of interest, since it very much related to the world I was in now - a world with copies of people I knew in my world, but who were slightly different here. This piece of information helped a little, but it didn't help to figure out how I got here. Some part of me wondered if I was looking in the wrong place. I already knew where I was, now I needed to look for information regarding who are what put me here.

Once more, I typed in a new google search: **MYTHICAL CREATURES**. I found a link to Wikipedia named: _**List of legendary creatures**_. I figured I could give it a shot and clicked on the link. My mouth fell wide open as I saw the endless list of all creatures listed on the page, but I had to be persistant, so I began to read all the names and descriptions. Most of the so -called creatures on the list were to ridiculous for words. I found one named _**Abatwa**_, who apparently were little people that rode on ants. Seriously?! Whoever created that page had lost quite a bit of his marbles, in my opinion.

I came across one ludicrous creature after another. A giant turle supporting the world, a hair-cutting spirit, a supernatural river otter, hell hounds, disembodied flying heads that attacked people,... one absurd notion after the other. After what felt like hours, I finished the entire list and 3 more granola bars, yet I still found nothing that could be of any help.

I went back to the Google starting page, unsure of what to do now. My fingers lingered on the keys of the typeboard, itching to enter something in the search engine. On a whim, I closed my eyes and let my brain to the talking. My fingers pressed down on 5 different keys, though I had no idea what they were. It was weird; it was as if my brain knew everything I wanted, no, needed to know, but refused to tell me. Instead, I kept recieving bits and pieces of critical information when I was lost, just like when I needed to know the password to access this laptop.

I opened my eyes and scrunched my eyes in confusion as I saw what I had typed. **WITCH**. Why would I type that? I shrugged, pressed enter and began my search for the still unknown, though, I was somehow sure I was on the right track now.

There were too many results that lead no where, which I had no time for, so I decided to expand my search. Instead of only typing in the word **WITCH**, I also typed in the word **WIKIPEDIA**, hoping I would find something now.

I found a link to Wikipedia about witches. Most of the stuff I read were things about the early witch trials and how everything was blown out of proportion. Only one thing stood out, something I knew, yet, something that I needed to read again. Witches had powers which they could use to help or harm people. Something told me that this was what I had been looking for these past few hours. Witches. Did they exist? Did they do this to me as some weird form of punishment? If they did exist, which I believed they did without hardly any questions, why were they out to harm me? Did they cause that dream the other day? Was I on the right track?

So many questions floated around in my head, all left unanswered, of course. I knew I was on the right track. I didn't know how I knew, but I just knew I knew. Even though it made no sense to me.

A grumble from my stomach brought me from my thoughts, allerting me of the fact that my body needed stomach. It was so strange, how, through all the pain I was experiencing - not only from this strange world, but also a lot from _his _departure - I hardly noticed I was hungry, or even felt it. I noticed because my stomach rumbled, but I didn't feel hungry, nor felt the longing for food.

I looked at the clock and saw it was already 15 past 12; I had been searching longer than I expected. I shut down the laptop and decided to take a shower first. Grabbing some of my new clothes, socks and shoes, I walked out the room, into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

As soon as I was fully undressed, I stepped under the hot water and relished at the feel of it. I loved showers, I did, even in this world, that feeling did not leave me - one thing I could at least be grateful for. I tried to keep my mind blank; I didn't want to think of my newfound discovery just yet, nor did I want to think of _him_. The pain was still so livid inside me, swimming just beneath the surface, trying to find it's way up. The only thing that kept it at bay was my determination to find my way out of here first; I could let the flames of pain torture me when I found my way back.

It was a short, much needed shower. One that helped me calm myself in ways nothing else could, just as usual. I dressed in my new clothes and shoes, blow-dryed my hair and appraised myself in the large mirror hanging from Izzy's bedroom door. I had to admit, I looked much better than yesterday or the day before, though my eyes betrayed the immense pain I was in.

I was wearing a pair of black pants, a dark-purple tank top and a black hoodie on. I chose my new pair of black converse to wear with the clothing. I knew my look was rather depressing - maybe emo-like or goth-like - but I didn't care. I liked it, it fitted my mood exactly, just as I had intended. Also, now I wouldn't trip anymore over those high-heeled shoes.

Just as I reached the bottom of the stairs, planning to go into the kitchen for some lunch, the bell rang. I froze. _'What should I do? Do I answer? Do I pretend no-one's home? I can't talk to any people today! I don't want to!'_ Another ring of the bell pulled me out of my panicked state of mind. I still had no idea what to do, but I guessed if it was someone here for me, I should open, since they probably knew I was grounded and home.

One agonizingly slow step at a time, I walked to the front door. As I walked, the person on the other side of the door became very impatient, not only ringing the bell continuesly, but also knocking on the door itself now too. I took a deep breath, released it and steadied myself for what was to come next.

As soon as the door was opened, I was attacked by someone's mouth on mine - I never even saw who it was, though I had a pretty good guess now - I was disgusted, to say the least. I only ever wanted E- _his _lips on mine. It hurt to think about those sweet kisses, but the memory of them and the pain they brought me now was ten times better than the person who was attacked me with his mouth and, eww, now his tongue as well. I had to put a stop to this!

I pushed and pushed with all my might - grunting and panting at all the effort it cost me - until I finally managed to push him off me, straight to the floor.

"What the fuck?!" The boy, whom I recognized from the photographes of Izzy in the bedroom and realized was her boyfriend - Jason, I think his name was - roared, obviously furious by my response to his sloppy, unwanted kiss.

"My thoughts exactly! Who the hell do you think you are... Jason?!" I yelled back, only a little unsure in my speech as I said, what I assumed was, his name. He didn't seem to react weirdly when I called him Jason, so I figured I was right. _'Thank god for Izzy's diary.' _I thought as I watched Jason pick himself up from the floor and straighten his crumpled outfit.

"What did you do that for?!" Again with the yelling, jeez, that was annoying. I immediately knew I did not like this guy at all, he was much too aggresive for my taste. I decided I would tell him to get lost; I was already planning to do that as soon as I knew about the boyfriend factor, but I was going to be nice. Though, nice was out of the question now.

Before I could say anything, however, he spoke first, "Fuck Izzy, what are you wearing?!" Still yelling. "Did you completely go crazy this weekend?!" Ugh, enough with the shouting!

"First: it's Bella from now on. Second: no! I have not gone crazy! Third: We're through! Now get out of my house!" I said, well, shouted, actually, but only because his shouting match started to rub off on me. He was shocked, to say the least, at first. Then came the fury and rage.

"Whatever, _Bella,_" he spat my name. "I was sick of you anyways. Now I ain't got to pretend anymore! Fuck you!" He said, much calmer than before, then left, slamming the door behind him. I sighed, at least that was over and done with.

For lunch, I just drank some tomato soup and ate a grilled cheese sandwich - my taste was gradually improving, though food still tasted no where near as good as it used to.

After doing the dishes, I tried to search for more useful information about witches, I came up with several interesting points, some even frightful, but none of which I was sure I could believe. All I ever found was that they were very powerful beings, albeit human, and could do about anything with their magic. They could make potions, create spells, control the weather, anything. Apparently, each witch had a special power of their own, such as knowledge of the future - that one stung, it reminded me too much of my former best friend - control over fire, control over the earth's natural elements... and the list went on and on. True? Perhaps. Doubtful? Probably.

Eventually, I grew tired of my search - I had done enough for the day - so I decided on doing something else that needed to be done, though I was reluctant to do it. In order to be ready for school the next day, I had to search Izzy's room for all her school stuff, including her schedule, if she still had it.

Her books, homework and schedule weren't hard to find, they were all in the two small cabinets of the desk the laptop stood on. As I looked through everything, I noticed she was failing a lot of her classess, refusing to do her homework or even fill in anything on any of the tests she got. Did she want to flunk out of high school? What a peculiar girl.

I saw she had several assignments to be done by tomorrow, and had yet to start on any of them. As an effort to occupy my mind - and to not get into any trouble - I started the tasks. There was one on Biology, one on English, one one Math and one on Native American History. Most of the homework was easy, all stuff I had learned before. The Math task was a little harder, because I sucked at Math, but I think I managed fairly well.

Lastly, I finished the English assignment, which was to write an essay of one of the great contemporary novels of this time. I decided to write it about a book called White Oleander, a very powerful and emotional book. I had loved it the first time I read it and even more the second time I did. I loved to read. I hadn't read anything since all of this happened and wasn't even sure if I ever wanted to read anything again. It reminded me all too much about my former life.

It was late by the time I finished, almost 12 pm, and still there were no parents in sight. I decided I could use some sleep in order to get through the next day unscathed. I did, however, fear what sleep would bring me this time, without any medication to assure a dreamless, though not quite peaceful, sleep. I guess I just had to face it like a man, so to speak.

It took me a while to fall asleep, since my thoughts continued to race from one thing to another. One more painful than the other. The random thoughts popping into my head about my former life, family, friends and love, hurt the most. Of course, no surprise there.

Ultimately, I fell asleep. Or, at least, I think I did. It was weird, I felt wide awake, though I was in a dream of some sorts. This dream felt as real and painful as the first one, though it was not terrifying.

I was standing in the dark again, surrounded by the same blue fire as the first time. The fire did not scare me this time, subconsiously, I think I had expected it to be there. I didn't speak, didn't yell, didn't move. I just stood there. There was no laughter this time, no falling, now colorful HELL words. All there was, was a pair of bronze, topaz-like eyes and a pair of green, emerald eyes staring at me. Both of which reminded me of _him._

The bronze/topaz eyes reminded me of my former love, the vampire. I could NOT think his name! The green, emerald eyes reminded me of _him_ in this world, human. Both equally entrancing. Both hurt me very badly. Though, the bronze/topaz eyes threatened to tear me apart, rip open the hole and spit in it just for it's own pleasure, the green, emerald eyes brought out a different reaction, also hurtful, but less. The human eyes made me want to smile, which only caused me to feel an immense deal of guilt toward the vampire eyes. I felt as if I were betraying my vampire by liking his human eyes, as though I were giving up on him. Feeling that, made me wish to die.

All in all, the hole dream was hurtfull, threatening to weigh me down with my pain and guilt. This dream, though it felt like something more to me, was grievous. If this was the feelings I recieved in this dream or whatever, I'd rather take the scare-me-to-death dream any night of the week. At least the feelings there were simple; fear, terrifying, deadly, fear. The feelings in this dream were much more painful and confusing, I didn't like it.

I woke up, slightly startled and sweating - though, thankfully, not as bad as the first time - contemplating what just happened. It felt as real as the first time, though the only thing that remained the same were the blue flames, all the rest was different. I would find out what all this meant. For the life of me, I would!

It was 4 am, I saw on the alarm clock. Too early to get up, too late to go back to sleep (not that I even wanted to sleep again). Since I was up now anyway, I decided to get ready for school, starting with a shower.

I hoped I would get through this day in one piece. No, actually, I hoped I would get through this entire thing in one piece, starting with today. All the while, I had to try to stay strong and not fall apart.

How on earth did I ever get tangled up in all of this? That was beyond me...

**_A/N: Hope you liked it, please review!_**


	5. Author's Note

_**Author's Note:**_

_Hi, everyone. First of all, I want to apologize for the slow updates. I realize that you are waiting for new chapters and I am dissapointing you all. I just want to assure everyone that none of my stories are on hiatus (especially my beloved Twilight stories, but also the OTH ones and the Charmed one), I just have trouble writing for some. I also want to explain why I haven't been writing much lately._

_I just want to say that I love to write; it's my number one passsion, has been since I was a child. And lately I had been wondering; why? Why do I even write? Why do I do something that's not worth anything to anyone? But I realized I was acting stupid (which is nothing out of the ordinary for me) since it is worth something to someone; it's worth something to the people who follow and read every chapter with dedication for the story I write, which is simply heartwarming. I love all my readers and without you, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this far with my writing. So, thank you. You'll never know how much all your support means to me._

_And I do it because I love it, it's as simple as that. I guess I had forgotten that somewhere along the way. I just needed a few reminders. I'll never stop writing and I will finish each story currently on my account._

_My main focus stories right now are:_

_Captivity  
__They'll Never Know  
__Concrete Angel_

_It's not because of the reviews they receive or something; it's just because I have them all worked out in my mind. So those will be updated the most, the rest will have slower updates but I will update them. I promise you. And I don't lie; if I make a promise, I stick to it. No matter how hard it may be sometimes._

_So, until I post again (which will be a story chapter). I hope you forgive me for my slow updates and I will work as hard as possible to update more from now on._


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Revelations**

_**I hoped I would get through this day in one piece. No, actually, I hoped I would get through this entire thing in one piece, starting with today. All the while, I had to try to stay strong and not fall apart. **_

_**How on earth did I ever get tangled up in all of this? That was beyond me...**_

*******

_**What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away**_

_**What Hurt The Most by Rascal Flatts**_

*******

After my shower, I removed my bandages, no longer needing them and redressed the bandage on my left knee where I had the stitches; I would go see Ca- the school doctor during my free period to have them removed, if that was already possible, I hoped so.

I dressed in an outfit similair to the one I wore yesterday: Black pants, black converse, grey sweatshirt and grey hoodie. It was comfortable, easy, moody just like me, and completely different from the Izzy outfits. To some it all up, my new clothes were perfect for me and the current state I was in.

One downstairs, I found another note by Renée and Charlie, saying they had been home for a few hours but left again to work on their case and that I could drive the Jaguar to school. Apparently they had hid the keys in the cookie jar (hmm, not too hard to find, if only I knew where it was!). I figured the car was just somewhere in the garage, no idea where that was either, but I could find out, I still had time.

And what case were they working on? What kind of work did they do? I remembered I was going to Google them yesterday, but forgot. I had enough time left to do it now, so I quickly went to Izzy's room, fired up the laptop, typed in the one name I tried so hard not to think of 'cause it hurt to much, and googled Renée and Charlie Swan.

I found a link right away, a link which shocked the living daylights out of me. Of all the jobs in the world, I had not imagined them doing this. They were lawyers! Apparently, they had their own lawfirm called _**Swan&Swan Lawyer Agency**_.

In my world, Charlie hated lawyers. Though he had to work with them on several occasions, he thought of them as evil snakes wanting nothing more than to interfere with a cop's job. Renée didn't hate them, but disliked them. She dated a lawyer at one point before marrying Phill, but it ended badly when she found out he was married and a father of 3. It had been funny to see her kick his sleezy ass out of the house.

Now I knew what they did for a living, I began my search in the kitchen for the cookie jar. Luckily, I needn't search long, for it was in the spice cabinet, obviously in an attempt to make me search more than absolutely necessary. I guess they still didn't like me very much.

Finding the garage shouldn't be very difficult, I hoped. It had to be on a ground level, leading outside. So, I grabbed my backpack, stuffed the lunch money Renée had left for me in it and headed outside, locking the door behind me with the key I found in Izzy's drawer, and looked around for the garage. I spotted it just next to the house; a garage large enough to hold at least 2 vehicles, if not more.

I walked up to it and groaned when I saw it was an automatic gate; how the heck was I going to find the remote to open it? I looked around and saw a pannel with buttons next to the gate, then it clicked; you couldn't open it with a remote, you had to open it by entering a code. That was just fan-freakin-tastic!

I decided to give it a try by doing the same thing I did yesterday; I would close my eyes and let my brain or gut, whichever, guide me. I hoped it would work, but wasn't entirely sure it would. As I felt my fingers press the little buttons, I knew it was working. I wasn't thinking, I wasn't doing anything exept letting my body guide me. A beep sounded in my ears so I opened my eyes and found the garage gate to be open.

I walked over to the red Jaguar, and I had to admit, she was a beauty. The color, however, made me feel sad as it reminded me of my old, rusty, trusted truck I once had and hoped to once see and have again.

I took place behind the wheel, sort of enjoying the feel of the leather against my back - it was strange how I seemed to feel much more today than any other day since I woke up here - pulled out of the garage and headed for the school, praying I wouldn't get lost along the way.

Luckily for me, there were plenty of signs I could follow, making it very easy to find the school. I drove at a slow pace, not wanting to crash into something that would cause my untimely, yet somewhat wanted, death.

I parked as far away from the crowd as possible, not wanting to attract much attention toward myself, grabbed my backpack and got out. As I looked around, I noticed I _had _attracted attention toward myself, a lot of attention. I briefly wondered if it was the car, but that couldn't be, since I figured they had to be somewhat used to it by now.

That's when I saw Jessica and Lauren, standing next to Jason and a whole bunch of other people, pointing at me, whispering and looking at me with distinct disgust on their faces. I looked at myself and inwardly chuckled. It were the clothes, of course. And the lack of make-up and the fact that I broke up with that Jason guy, which I was sure they were aware of by now.

I walked over to the school entrance - lucky for me Izzy had kept the map of this place, so I had the chance to memorize it yesterday - but was stopped by Lauren, Jessica and what I called their plastic-fake-annoying-rude-gang. It was a long name, but I liked it; it fit them.

"Izzy." Lauren got right up close in my face, saying my name with so much venom in her voice I thought she would burst. However, she remained her cool stance.

"Lauren," I replied, uninterested in whatever she wanted to tell me.

"Care do explain why you, like, dumped Jason and why you are, like, dressed like that. That's like, so not cool. I mean, like, seriously." Did she say 'like' 5 times? God, how did Izzy stand being around these people?

"Well, Lauren, I'm, like, so not, like, interested in, like, all of this. Like, really," I replied, using the word like as an undercurrent of sarcasm, which I doubted she detected. I had no idea where I got the courage to talk to Lauren like that, but I sort of enjoyed it in an annoying this-isn't-me way.

Lauren and the rest of her mindless gang stood there, mouthes agape, gawking at me as if I were a freak of nature. Maybe I was, I didn't care. I didn't need any of them, I only needed a way out!

I brushed past them, into the school and headed for my first class: English. At least it was something I was good at. I was sure I would get at least and A- for my essay, if not more. Not that it really mattered, nothing mattered here. All I had was knowledge and pain, and I wasn't doing too great in the knowledge department either.

I quickly found the class thanks to my good memory. _'A little too good of a memory, if you ask me.' _I added mentally as I walked into the class with absolutely no idea of where my seat was. I stared at the still empty room hoping for some sense of direction, though none came to me.

"Are you waiting for something in particular, Ms. Swan? Or are you simply enjoying the scenery," Someone asked, I turned around and stared at a strict looking, female teacher with glasses and brown, silky hair. She kind of scared me, for some reason.

"Uh, uh,...," I sputtered, unable to come up with a descent answer.

"Ms. Swan, please take your seat before the rest of class arives and we have another situation on our hands," She said, I wondered what she meant by 'situation', but didn't inquire about it.

"I, euh, kind of forgot where my seat is," I explained, lying, of course, hoping she'd believe me. She eyed me incredulously, making me very self-consious and of course, me being myself, I blushed.

"You forgot?" She asked, the disbelief flowing from her voice. I thought of what I could say that would convince her I indeed forgot and wasn't playing games with her. I had my answer.

"Yeah, eum, I bumped my head yesterday and keep forgetting things," I said, hoping to sound at least a little believable.

"That would explain the clothing." I heard the woman mutter under her breath. I sighed, was this Izzy really so predictable? Or dense? Or bad? Or all of the above?

"Your seat is the one on the third row, next to the window. You sit on the window side next to Ms. Cullen. Satisfied?" She asked, sarcasm flowing through her voice - I ignored it - I nodded my thanks and went to sit at my seat.

As I sat down, grabbed my books and essay, my mind registered what the female teacher had just said; Ms. Cullen was sitting next to me? Did she mean A- my once best friend? Was it a coincidence? Was it someone else with the same last name? God, I hoped so. I didn't think I could handle sitting next to one of _them _right now. It would hurt too much.

I was in such a deep state of panic that I barely noticed the shrill sound of the bell ringing and the class filling up. It was only when I heard a chair scrape the floor next to me that I was brought back to awareness.

Afraid to look up, but also afraid not to, I glanced at the person sitting next to me. And sure enough, there she was, none other than my former best friend who's name I couldn't think. Her name and my former love's name were the hardest to think, the other names and the pain they brought were bearable. _His _name and _her _name were forbidden in my mind; the pain of them was too much.

She saw me eyeing her and gave me one of the dirtiest glares I had ever seen; though the one of _him _a few days ago was worse, this one was very painful as well. My eyes began to sting as my vision became blurry; I was starting to cry. I couldn't cry, I wouldn't! Yet, I was crying and I couldn't stop it. I could only stop the strangled sound that wanted to escape from my lips come out.

I crossed my arms on my desk and laid my head upon them, hoping no one would notice me, though I was sure _she _noticed. My eyelids closed in effort to stop my pathetic tears from flowing freely, though there was little I could do to prevent the sobs that escaped my chest. Albeit, they were quiet sobs, thankfully.

"Ms. Swan, what in heaven's name is wrong this time?" I heard the voice of the female teacher ask. She sounded irritated, as if she dealt with this sort of scene often. Did Izzy put on many spectacles like this?

"Nothing, Miss.," I answered, my voice unstable, definitely giving notice of the fact I was crying.

"Well, if it's nothing, then I expect you to sit up and pay attention in my classroom," the teacher responded, though she sounded less harsh than first time.

I tried to wipe as many of the tears away with my sleeve, without anyone noticing, before I sat up to follow her stupid, pointless, unwanted, unneeded lesson.

I felt all eyes on me, but one set of eyes in particular, a set of eyes I didn't want to look in, though I was curious what color they were, I hadn't examined them closely enough before.

I looked to my left and my eyes met a pair of grey eyes, almost translucent, it seemed. Her eyes reminded me of her vampire eyes when _she _used to have a vision. No! I could not think of that, of any of that! She looked exactly like her vampire self; small, pixie-like, spiky black hair. Only her eye color and skin tone was different. Her skin was pale, but not as pale as it used to be in my world.

"Why are you looking at me like that, _Swan_?" She wispered, sneering my name just as _he _had done. I sighed, what was I supposed to say now? I didn't want to hurt her. Technically, she had done nothing wrong against me either, not her, anyway.

"I wasn't... I'm sorry," I mumbled, looking to the front of the desk just in time to hear the teacher ask everyone to hand forward their homework. Everyone looked shocked when they saw my essay of more than 10 pages, while it only had to be a length of 5 pages. But my guess was they were more shocked by me handing in homework at all, than it being longer than it had to be.

The teacher got an urgent call from the principal about 5 minutes before the end of class, so we were excused from the rest of the period as she left. The class emptied out in seconds, everyone was thrilled to have a few more minutes to talk, I guess. I took my time to pack my things, revelling in the fact I was alone. It had been so hard already, and it had only been the first class.

As I was about to walk out of the room to my next class, I was stopped by someone pulling me back by my arm. I hadn't even noticed I wasn't the only one left in the room.

I turned around, only to be face to face with Ali- _her_. What did she want? Why did she look at me as if I was a shiny object? What did she _want_?

"Who are you?" She asked, eyeing me curiously and with a slight tint of frustration. Why did she ask that? Surely she knew who I was? I was Isabella Swan, Izzy to her. Why did she ask me who I was?

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hesitantly, unaware of where this conversation was headed. _'She think's you're crazy, that's where this is headed.' _That annoying little voice came back in my head, taunting me. I mentally growled at it.

"You know what I'm talking about. You're not Izzy. I can tell. Who are you?" Wait?! What?! How did she know that? What was I supposed to tell her now? What was going on? Was this some cruel joke to make everyone think I was crazy? No, I didn't think so, she sounded sincere, true. Maybe this version of my former best friend has some sort of freaky sixth sense, just like _she _had visions as a human and vampire.

"Bella," I whispered, deciding to go with the truth, or at least some of it, for now. I didn't lie, she asked who I was, I told her. I just didn't tell her everything, yet.

"Well, Bella, I must admit this is very strange, but I know you're not Izzy, that much is a given," she exclaimed with a curious look. What gave me away?

"What gave me away?" I voiced my unspoken thought.

"Your clothes, for one, eww. And, of course, you're attitude," She reported, looking at me from head to toe, making me feel like some caged animal to be viewed by everyone on national geographic.

"You don't think I'm crazy?" I asked, fearing her response. This could still be a joke she was playing on me, though I highly doubted it, I couldn't be careful enough; my heart was already shattered in a million pieces, broken beyond repair.

"No, I don't. I do want some answers though, just not now. We should head to our next class, we'll speak during lunch." _Our _next class? Was she serious? Could I stand another hour with her? Not that she wasn't nice, she was just, well, too similair to _her_.

She saw my confused look and laughed her infectiuous, tingling, bell-like laugh - even as a human, she had a beautiful voice and appearance. "We have all our classess together. Before today, I would've hated every second of it. I can't really stand Izzy, no one really can, for that matter, even though she is the most popular girl in school. Well, I guess she was, since I saw that scene on the parking lot this morning, I don't think she'll be very popular anymore. But now, I will love all the classess I have with you, Bella. I can already tell we will be great friends," She concluded and gave me a hug; I stiffened under her embrace. She must have felt it because she let go.

"Sorry," She apologied and kept her distance from then on. I followed her to the next class: History. She told me her boyfriend was there too and she couldn't wait for him to get to know the 'new' me, as she was going to tell everyone I just had a huge personality change. I didn't have to be a psychic to know who her boyfriend was: Jasper. It hurt to think his name, it did, but I could manage it.

We got several weird looks and heard some whispers as we walked the halls to History. Obviously, everyone was stunned by our friendlyness toward each other. Izzy and Ali- the pixie - I would call her the pixie, easier than managing to think or speak her name - did not get along, those were the rules here. Or so I heard.

We didn't speak anymore before lunch, since English was apparently the only class I was seated next to her. _'Thank God!' _I mentally cheered, it was hard enough to have her be so friendly toward me without having to sit next to her all the time.

Unfortunately, classess went by fast and before too soon lunch arrived, which I was seriously dreading. It hurt to look at the pixie, to be near her or even to speak to her. But now, here I was, being dragged by the hand - the touch sent shivers through my spine; it was too warm for my likings, not how it should be - by the pixie, to an unknown location where we would speak about things that would sound seriously crazy.

Finally, we ended up on a bench behind the school, bathing in the hot sunset which I appreciated, since it triggered no memories of my past in Forks. We were the only ones out here. Pixie told me the other students either ate at the front of the school or in the cafeteria, depending on the weather. Students only came to the back when they wanted a few moments to themselves.

"So, spill." Her voice was firm when she told me to spill the beans, to tell her everything.

"I... I don't know where to start," I confessed. It was true, I had no clue as to where to start. How could I tell her everything without falling apart? _If _I was going to tell her everything, it pained me to think of them, ripped me to shreds. How could I even speak of them?

"Okay... why don't you start with the fact that you haven't said my name one single time since we met. Or, why you keep looking at me as if I'm a ghost," she suggested, I sighed, already with the hard questions.

"It's... complicated," I said, I was stalling, I knew that, I couldn't help myself. The pain in my voice was evident as I spoke; it didn't go unnoticed by the pixie. She changed the subject to something a little less painful.

"Alright then... tell me where you're from." Now that was an easy question, well, the name of the town I was from was easy to tell. How did I tell her I was either not from this world or completely crazy? I guess I had to give it a shot. _'Here goes nothing.' _I told myself. _'Here goes everything.' _My little, mental voice corrected.

"The name of the town I came from is called Forks. It's in Washington. Though, I'm not even sure if it exists in this world," I explained and almost instantly saw the confusion swep over the pixie's small face, though she hid it well once she composed her features.

"What do you mean?" She asked, her tone betraying no sign that she might think I was delusional or crazy or psychotic or all of the above.

"I think I was put in some alternate reality by someone or something. I know this is not my world, because in my world, the people I knew there are here too, only, they're different." She nodded for me to continue, but I couldn't. A lump was forming in my throat, I couldn't tell her the events of my past.

"Who put you here?" She asked, still sounding as if she believed me; at least, I hoped she did.

"I don't know, but, Alice...," I froze, I had just spoke her name aloud without even planning it. I had been so careful not to think it and it was all down the drain now. I started to hyperventilate. I felt her small arms incase me in a hug, soothing me with words that were supposed to offer comfort, but did no such thing.

Images of Alice and I filled my head. How she took me on the shopping trips against my will, the way she helped me get away from James, the way she cared for me when I was wounded. All images I did not want to see. They were nothing compared to the ones I had of _him _and my breakdown that followed then, but they were agonizing nonetheless. She had been my best friend. She had left me without saying goodbye. They all did, though it hurt the most from _her _and _him_.

"Shh, Bella, it's okay. You don't need to feel bad for saying my name, it's okay. I'm here, I'm not leaving you, I promise. Please don't think I will," she said, confusing me. Did I spoke my thoughts aloud without realizing it?

I had no view on how much time passed as we sat there as - I forced myself to think her name for my own sanity and to build up my mental strength - Alice *gulp* *pain* *grief* *loss* held me, whispering to me, calming me down.

"School's out." The serene voice of Alice - damn, my heart ached to even think it, ached so much - pulled me out of the drouzy state I had gone in after a while. We had been sitting here for about 3 hours? Really?

"Damn, I forgot to go get my stitches out," I cursed, by which Alice *ache* *burn* chuckled.

"You can come to my place, my dad's the one you need to see anyways. Besides, we can talk more there. That is, if you're ready," Alice - it hurt less this time, practice made good, I guess - offered. I thought about it. Was I ready to go through it without another breakdown? Maybe, as long as I didn't have to think of _him_. Shoot, I remembered something then.

"I can't. Apparently Renée and Charlie grounded Izzy for something. Don't know what though," I explained. She sighed, but then smiled as she thought of something.

"No worries, one quick call will do," Alice - still hurt, though less - said as she took out her cell and dialed someone's number. I waited, confused.

"Alice Cullen calling for Mrs. Swan," She voiced - how did she know where to reach Renée? I didn't even know that.

"Hi, Mrs. Swan? Alice Cullen speaking," I listened intently to her side of the converstation, as I could not hear what Renée was saying.

"It's about Bella. Yes, I know about the name change. I like it, it suits her. I was wondering if she could sleep over at my house tonight? Hmm. Yes, she told me. Ah, I see. Okay, thank you. Bye." She ended the call, put her phone away and turned to me with a grin on her face.

"How did you know where to call?" I asked, not really caring what Renée said. I would know soon enough.

"Oh, I prank called it a few times when I was younger. I just did it to get Izzy in trouble. Worked like a charm, too," she confessed, chuckling at the memory.

"Anyway, she said you're un-grounded and you're free to spend the night with me. She said you can even stay the rest of the week, since she and Charlie are working on some really big case that they can't get away from," Alice - yep, still hurt - said, her happiness almost bubling over. I nodded, agreeing to spend the rest of the week. Maybe she could even help me find my way out of here.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's note:**_

Hey, all. I know I promised I'd keep updating regularly and not disappear anymore, but there were things I just couldn't walk away from to write a story. My dad got sick, really sick, he almost died. He had to have this massive surgery and it was very touch and go for a while. I've been spending almost all my time with him in the hospital. He's only been home since last tuesday and he still has a lot of health problems we need to be careful off and has 3 nurses a day coming to take care of something still from the surgery. If my dad can get through this next month, through christmas and his birthday (January 1st) okay, then I'm back. If there's another setback, if he dies like they say is still a possibility due to some complications he could have, especially blood clots (he's had them before), then I don't know. I'll let you know at the beginning of January. Again, I'm very sorry, but my family is more important to me than a few stories. I love writing these stories, I do, but they're not the most important things in my life. Sometimes, you gotta set some things aside for more important things, which is what I've been doing these last months. Please bare with me for another couple of weeks, and then I'll let you know the outcome. Then I'll let you know if I'll be back or not.

Lots of love,

Lieselot.


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